Self-esteem

I am doing….hm…I think ok… maybe not sook…I don’t know. Well, I am just a meager housewife, I have 2 kids, a husband, and a dog and I don’t do anything much. There’s after all nothing worthwhile to mention about myself”. These were the words that I heard from a participant in a group when we were asked to introduce ourselves and say something about what we do.

Well, what does it take for someone to say that there’s nothing worth mentioning about themselves? Could we imagine the self-esteem that the person has?

What is Self-Esteem?

According to Very Well Health Self-esteem is how a person thinks and feels about their qualities and characteristics. A person who has positive thoughts about their qualities and characteristics has high self-esteem. On the other hand, a person with negative thoughts about their qualities and characteristics has low self-esteem.

Role of Self-Esteem

Low self-esteem can impact people of all ages, including children. However, young adults tend to have lower self-esteem than older adults, and women tend to have lower self-esteem than men.

Beyond these trends, many different circumstances, thoughts, and beliefs can impact self-esteem throughout life. A person could have general low self-esteem, or low self-esteem in all areas. Itis also possible to have low self-esteem in only some areas, though low self-esteem can carry over into other areas as well.

Importance of self-esteem

Carl Rogers stressed a word called “unconditional positive regard” when he spoke about dealing with clients. According to Humanist Psychologist Carl Rogers, unconditional positive regard involves showing complete support and acceptance of a person no matter what the person says or does. When I learned about it and began using it in my therapy sessions, I understood the impact it created and had on my clients.

Just imagine having “unconditional Positive Regard” for oneself too. How often we ridicule ourselves, get judgmental, have unrealistic expectations and above all end up feeling like a worthless person.

Self-esteem can be impacted by different areas of a person and their life, and self-esteem affects all areas of life.

Academic or Intelligence

Career

Physical Abilities

Physical Appearance

Self-Esteem vs. Self-Concept

Self-concept is a broad description of how you see yourself. It's everything you know about who you are as a person. Self-esteem, on the other hand, is how you evaluate yourself.

Signs of Low Self-Esteem

An inner voice of self-talk that is negative

Difficulty accepting or responding to compliments

Difficulty accepting or responding to constructive criticism or feedback

Unhealthy methods of coping, such as overeating, drinking, or smoking

Avoidance of social gatherings or situations

Avoidance of challenges or difficult situations

Focus on what is unwanted more than what is wanted

Hesitance to try new things

Low level of confidence

Excessive sensitivity

Intense focus on personal problems

Mental health conditions such as anxiety, depression, or eating disorders

Steps to feel better about yourself

Low self-esteem can affect nearly every aspect of life. It can impact your relationships, job and health. But you can boost your self-esteem by taking cues from mental health counseling.

1. Recognize situations that affect self-esteem

Think about the situations that seem to deflate your self-esteem.

2. Become aware of thoughts and beliefs

Your thoughts and beliefs might be positive, negative or neutral. They might be rational, based on reason or facts. Or they may be irrational, based on false ideas.

Ask yourself if these beliefs are true. Would you say them to a friend? If you wouldn't say them to someone else, don't say them to yourself.

3. Challenge negative thinking

Be aware that it can be hard to see flaws in your logic. Long-held thoughts and beliefs can feel factual even if they're opinions.

Converting positives into negatives. This may involve rejecting your achievements and other positive experiences by insisting that they don't count. For example, "I only did well on that test because it was so easy."

4. Adjust your thoughts and beliefs

Now replace negative or untrue thoughts with positive, accurate thoughts. Try these strategies:

Use hopeful statements. Be kind and encouraging to yourself. Instead of thinking a situation won't go well, focus on the positive. Tell yourself, "Even though it's tough, I can handle this."

Forgive yourself. Everyone makes mistakes. But mistakes aren't permanent reflections on you as a person. They're moments in time. Tell yourself, "I made a mistake, but that doesn't make me a bad person."

Focus on the positive. Think about the parts of your life that work well. Remember the skills you've used to cope with challenges.

Re label upsetting thoughts. Think of negative thoughts as signals to try new, healthy patterns. Ask yourself, "What can I think and do to make this less stressful?"

Encourage yourself. Give yourself credit for making positive changes. For example, "My presentation might not have been perfect, but my colleagues asked questions and remained engaged. That means I met my goal."

You might also try these steps, based on acceptance and commitment therapy.

1. Spot troubling conditions or situations

Again, think about the conditions or situations that seem to deflate your self-esteem. Then pay attention to your thoughts about them.

2. Step back from your thoughts

Repeat your negative thoughts many times. The goal is to take a step back from automatic thoughts and beliefs and observe them. Instead of trying to change your thoughts, distance yourself from them. Realize that they are nothing more than words.

3. Accept your thoughts

Instead of resisting or being overwhelmed by negative thoughts or feelings, accept them. You don't have to like them. Just allow yourself to feel them.

Negative thoughts don't need to be controlled, changed or acted upon. Aim to lessen their power on your behavior.

These steps might seem awkward at first. But they'll get easier with practice. Recognizing the thoughts and beliefs that affect low self-esteem allows you to change the way you think about them. This will help you accept your value as a person. As your self-esteem increases, your confidence and sense of well-being are likely to soar.

In addition to these suggestions, remember that you're worth special care. Be sure to:

Take care of yourself. Follow good health guidelines. Try to exercise at least 30 minutes a day most days of the week. Eat lots of fruits and vegetables. Limit sweets, junk food and saturated fats.

Do things you enjoy. Start by making a list of things you like to do. Try to do something from that list every day.

Spend time with people who make you happy. Don't waste time on people who don't treat you well.

Following are eight steps you can take to increase your feelings of self-worth.

1.     Be mindful.

2.     Change the story.

3.     Avoid falling into the compare-and-despair rabbit hole.

4.     Channel your inner rock star.

5.     Exercise

6.     Do unto others.

7.     Forgive

8.     Remember that you are not your circumstances.

Conclusion

Self-esteem can have a profound impact on your happiness and success. Self-esteem can be improved with deliberate changes in the way you think and by surrounding yourself with supportive people. You can also improve your self-esteem with the help of a mental health care professional. Do reach out to us today to help you Transform Happily!