How to have an effective Conversation – Mind Your Tone

We communicate with each other in many different words except for the words we speak. Ever looked at your best friend and knew exactly what they are saying? Had a whole conversation with your colleague with a one look?  
I know we have.  

These nonverbal communications are just as important as what you say. Be it your body language, your mannerisms or the tone of your voice; they all hold great importance in conveying the message you want to put across.  

Your vocal cues like the tone of your voice can reinforce or contradict all that you are trying to say. Remember when you were just trying to put your story across to another individual but they felt you were yelling at them? Remember saying, "That's just the way I talk". Yes, that is what we call our tone of voice.  

If you want to have effective conversations in both your personal and professional life, you need to learn to mind the tone of your voice at all times. This comes through by consciously being aware of the way you communicate: verbally as well as non-verbally.

The Practice we need to follow to benefit from speaking in soft tones:

1. Be aware.
Be mindful about the unnecessary negative tones; both, your own and that of others. Also notice (when there is even in a mild way) negative tones like; an eye roll, exasperation, or subtle put-down. Take note of the results and set the tone right.  

2. Consider the true intention of your communication.
Always ask yourself of the intention. If you’re there to be right, show the other person how he or she is wrong, or work some covert agenda; these underlying priorities will lead to a problematic tone and nonverbal gestures. Instead, go in with the agenda to solve the problem, to really find out what went wrong, and effectively communicate to improve a relationship.  

3. Lay a good foundation.
Upon finding a healthy purpose to interact, try to establish a frame of relatedness and goodwill, not the one with the bossing around attitude. Many of us feel like we need the same intention to be reciprocated for us to behave a particular way, but that need not be a fact. You can always choose to clarify your minds, open your hearts, center yourselves and speak with nothing but good wishes for the other person.  Take time to set a good conversational base in your mind before getting started with the interaction.

4. Don't make anger an acquaintance.
We all have evolved to mostly be very reactive to tones of anger because they carry signals of threat; just notice how everyone at home gets quiet when your moms angry voice is heard.  

Even when you are angry or annoyed, no matter how much you try, it is evident in the way you carry yourself. However, the way you express your anger or dissatisfaction towards the situation can have a lot of unwanted impacts.  

So slow down, focus on controlling your breath that tends to fasten when you experience strong emotions. Settle down and pay attention to choosing your words carefully, while figuring out what you’re feeling beneath the anger without blaming anyone. Remember, dumping your anger on others not only harms you and them but also stains the relationship. As a proverb says, "Getting angry with others is like throwing hot coals with bare hands: Both people get burned".  

5. Don’t use provoking language.  
Exaggerations, accusations, using words like “never” or “always”, insults, swearing, alarming threats, pathologizing (e.g., “Are you bipolar?"), and cheap shots (e.g. “You are just like your father”) are like adding fuel to the fire. Instead, use words that are accurate and neutral. Imagine that you are being videotaped, and your loved ones will be watching it later; do not say anything you are going to regret. Hence, if there is any negative emotion, take some time to gather and ground yourself before confronting the individual.

6. Be clear.
A neutral and civil tone promotes confidence and assertiveness because then you don’t need to do extra to clean up any communication errors. But if a softer tone replaces standing up for yourself, that’s not good for anyone. So make sure you learn and continually communicate effectively. May your good interactions always build good relations.

Many of you might argue that the tone of your voice might be lesser of your concerns during any conflict. Yes, we agree that verbal communication is crucial during those times. But it is also essential to understand that the exact words can mean something completely different based on how they are put forth. If you want to communicate effectively both personally and professionally, mastering the tone of your voice in interactions is key. Paying attention to your verbal as well as nonverbal cues during all interactions will help you get your message across accurately and also majorly avoid any misunderstandings.

We understand that there still might be hundreds of questions lurking in your mind. Be it about situations you are struggling with and/or any problem that feels unfixable at this given point of time. All of it might definitely get overwhelming but it does not have to feel lonely.  

Until then, Mind Your Tone as you Transform Happily!

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