Goddesses and Doormats

The famous painter Pablo Picasso was fond of saying that there are two kinds of females – Goddesses and Doormats. In his paintings, he has portrayed women as sensuous goddesses as well as aggressive, monstrous distorted figures. "Women are machines for suffering," he told his mistress, and that he knew no other way in which he could portray women. His art depended on his intimate relationships, yet he found himself needing to dominate them often to a point of cruelty. Even today a surprising number of women are being treated in a similar unjust manner.   

Women by default are sensitive, empathetic, thoughtful, resilient, and are always prepared to put their best foot forward to help another. However, people confuse being kind and sensitive as a sign of weakness, rather than being a display of strength. It takes courage to stand out there and see the good in people. To show heart despite being mistreated is a superpower only some possess.

In a world that is promoting and empowering women, why do so many successful modern women even today wish to play submissive, mindless, and belittle themselves in a relationship?

A research-based on this observation shows that women are wired to find happiness in seeing others happy. They are willing to keep calm, get humiliated, keep a happy face when their heart is crying just to avoid conflicts in relationships that matter to them or with the fear of being labeled as ungrateful feminists. Most women do not back down from carrying the extra weight of any relationship. Societal and family pressures add to these woes women face. Much of the media, has justified and also romanticized dominance. This is mainly the reason a lot of women actively look for partners mesmerized by these prejudiced views. It is taught and ingrained in the minds of young women to be or act more feminine, to walk, talk, eat and even dress a particular way. Many Cultures have also been seen to be accommodating of such biased views. And if by any chance she wishes to be a bit assertive and opinionated, she finds herself wound up into a whirlpool of judgments and taunts.

It is concerning to a point where we might know of women who in a social setup can’t decide if they want to have a cup of tea or coffee. If she is unable to select a drink for herself, it's most often established that she most likely does not participate in larger decisions of life at home as well. 

Such behavior is so common and socially acceptable that even if her partner would have liked her to participate in things she might not be able to make decisions. For example; if asked; which school her kids need to go to, which contactor to engage for homebuilding or renovations, where and how to travel during holidays, etc., she would generally in her typecast feminine ways say “Do whatever you want" or " we'll go wherever you like".

There might be times where she might make small choices for herself; for example, she might buy a sari or dress and someone might compliment her choice – most often, women are bound to say “oh this is not expensive, it's nothing. I just got it in a sale”.  There is a need to justify their choices in front of others. Why would she do that? That's the real question that needs to be asked and pondered upon. All she had to say was Thank you! And remind herself time and again of the L’oreal ad that says “I am Worth it”! 

You probably can connect to the patterns listed above and be in the affirmative about the role you are playing in your close relationships. Well to break the bubble here, most of the women have mastered the art of being Passive-aggressive. In Psychology, anyone who uses passive aggression may feel anger or frustration but will act neutral or even cheerful. This however might result in indirect expressions of emotions and feelings.  The psychology of a woman has not changed much over the centuries. We got to realize that the goal, not only for women here, is to be assertive and not aggressive. Although the man still wears the pants around in the house, there are exceptional inspiring examples of people finding equality among genders.  

The world is now changing, where women are grabbing opportunities to be academically and monetarily equal to men, but somewhere she is compromising on her equality probably because of the physical challenges she faces within her.  A woman’s life is constantly put to test with the bold changes she goes through making her feel inferior to men. In the humdrum of life like menstruation, education, marriage, work, childbirth, postpartum trauma, menopause, empty nest syndrome she most often loses focus on what is important in life. Herself!

Her self-worth, goals, desires, food, and clothing choices get compromised and most importantly a woman ceases to remember that she is an individual who with the right social surrounding and constructive motivation can rock the world.

There are numerous breathtaking and inspiring examples of women breaking barriers and constraints to achieve tremendous successes in their life. Change in everyone's mindset is needed. And the opinion that women are weak or lesser than any man needs a worldwide update.

Although it might seem like a long road ahead, change needs to begin at some point somewhere. The fight for equality is going to be worth it. So take that step into the world, learn new things, let go of toxicity, break barriers and exceed limits. Nothing worthwhile has ever come from being in the same place and situation. Nothing worthwhile will ever come from being someone's doormat. Shine like the goddess you are even if that blinds the bigoted people around you. 

It is time that you enjoy being yourself unapologetically. Our society has been teaching us through behaviors, movies, and other sources how women are treated today. However, any learned behavior can be unlearned and relearned no matter how hard it might be. We got to raise our children instilling in them the values and beliefs of equality. Teach them that gender does not determine your worth, your actions and values do. Teach your children to be kind and empathetic irrespective of gender. We got to teach our sons to go ahead and support their friends, sisters, girlfriend, wife, or any other female in finding equality and demanding just treatment.

And to all the women out there, do not be afraid to spread your wings and fly, because you are Worth It!