Words Matter

I want to be surrounded by people who have control over their life, who are in sync with themselves. Individuals who are mindful, emotionally aware, satisfied and conscious of their decisions. In reality it's a farfetched vision. Why, you ask ?
Because our species since the beginning has been trained to brood or bottle up our emotions (good or bad). I am no exception. Until quite recently I used the word happy for all other emotions like  joyous, excited and ecstatic. Because that’s all I knew. My emotional vocabulary was stunted. 

Attending to our emotional health is vital to our wellness. As adults, many of us don't know how to. Not all adults had the opportunity to develop socio-emotionally at an early age. Thus, not all of us have regulatory mechanisms and verbal fluency with which to translate our emotions into words. My emotional dictionary was a 1 page book with 10 typed words - mad, sad, bad, good, fine, upset, anxious, happy, stressed, tired. (And yes, I realize that good, bad, and fine aren’t really emotions, but I used them anyway.) This limited vocabulary severely limited my ability to understand what was happening with me. 

What happens when our vocabulary is not versatile ? 

A, you are clueless about yourself. You use these blanket labels to define what you are feeling without even knowing the season. 

B, your emotional health is deteriorating which progressively will affect all your relationships. I saw that happening with me first hand. My relationship with myself was hazy. 

For instance, last week, I had a moment where I was barely mobile. I could feel it. My energy was low, I just wasn’t feeling it. I asked myself, “What’s going on; how are you feeling?” My response was, “meh. I will get over it”. I was unable to identify the feeling let alone do something about it. 

When we are unsuccessful at labeling emotions correctly, these emotions become all-encompassing and we feel helpless. A very common trend that I have seen is people labeling everything as stress. Tiredness equates to stress or feeling disappointed is stress. 

There is a huge difference between feeling stressed and feeling tired and/or disappointed. There is a difference between feeling meh and feeling rejected. It’s the subtlety in emotions that really make the difference. 

What happens when you have developed emotional granularity? 

Emotional granularity is a very famous psychological concept that simply means being more accurate about your feelings. 

We all know that the first step in the act of working on something is identification. Same principle applies here. When we KNOW what we are feeling, we develop a sense of control over it. We can identify the cause of that emotion and devise an action plan. 

I used the umbrella term angry for all emotions experienced by me and others! I know how that sounds. Disappointment, sadness, frustration, rejection, exhaustion, discomfort, fear was all anger. It was only after I started practicing emotional granularity, I understood the difference. 

• I strengthened my emotional vocabulary, 
• I was articulating my needs and feelings better. 
• Quality of my relationships improved. 
• I became assertive. 
• I become emotionally aware and available 
• Empathy became my friend.  

Let's learn how to become emotionally fluent

• Strategy 1

We often talk like “I am sad or I am happy”. You are equating yourself with the feeling. This leaves very little room for action. In reality, feeling is only a part of your experience. Substitute self-talk with, “I feel sad” ; “I feel like jumping”; “I am feeling envious”. Create the space between your identity and your feelings. 

Adding conjunctions like because and but after the feeling also gives you space to feel. Try  sentencing like, “I feel excited because I got promoted” or “I am feeling lethargic today but tomorrow will be a better day”. Adding reason to the feeling gives you clarity into the feeling. 

If you’re experiencing a strong emotion, take a moment to consider what to call it. But don’t stop there: once you’ve identified it, try to come up with two more words that describe how you are feeling. You might be surprised at the breadth of your emotions.
Learning to efficiently use emotional verbs will help you better verbalize the feeling.

• Strategy 2 

Emotions are not only “good & bad”. Giving a moral value (as good or bad) to our feelings only reinforces shame and guilt, which handicaps our ability to identify and recognize our feelings. When we allow shame and guilt to join us, we have a higher risk of repressing our feelings and limiting our emotional expression.
The goal is to be descriptive in naming your emotions. And don’t be fooled into thinking that you’ll be feeling solidarity emotions. It will be a combination at any given moment. Don't force yourself into finding one perfect word to describe how you’re feeling. Use multiple words if needed. 

Since this is a new skill for most people; therefore it takes time and practice. I encourage you to print it out and keep it somewhere close and accessible. Pause yourself a couple times a day and ask, “How do I feel right now?” 

• Strategy 3

Write it out. Research has shown that penning your feelings gives you deeper insight. It gives you an opportunity to peel the layers of emotion. The process of writing allows you to gain a new perspective of your emotions and assists you in understanding their implications more clearly.

Set a timer of 10 mins and write your emotional experiences daily focusing on labeling them. By the end of it you will not only feel relaxed but your emotional intelligence will also advance. 

The more extensive our emotional vocabulary, the more attuned we can become with other people's needs and feelings. Having a greater grasp on emotional understanding correlates to increased happiness and satisfaction, along with better management of stress. Don't expect the results to be immediate. Be patient and consistent. Contact our customer wellness managers on our toll-free number 1800-833-8747 and visit us at www.transformhappily.com or email us at transformhappily@gmail.com when you find it difficult to label your feeling. 

Let us help you transform, happily!