THE DRAGON WAS ALSO ME

John Green in his book “Turtle all the way down” wrote, “I would never slay the dragon because the dragon was also me.”

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I related to this quote so much as it is the fact of every individual's life, whether we like it or not. We all have dragons haunting us, and we have also been dragons to another person knowingly or unknowingly at some point in life. These dragons or demons have more control than we would like over us. They might keep us up at night and tell us that we aren’t smart enough, worthy enough, pretty enough, or just not good enough. How do we tame these screaming demons that haunt us?

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We all might have these demons within or around us who have the power to tightly grip their tentacles around us and take over everything, from our thoughts to our behaviors. There are times when our hurt self might not be able to be sensitive to ourselves and others as well. This might cause us to unintentionally become another person's reason for self-doubt (demon). Dragons have a way of making room in our thought process and influencing all of our judgments as well as behaviors. Hence, it is necessary to evaluate our thoughts and feelings before they manifest into patterns of self-loathing behavior.

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This famous saying of “slaying our demons” that we come across has been widely used nowadays. It suggests we call out wrongdoers and all the evil that we come across. But is slaying them necessary? We need to understand that the dragons that we talk about can be others suffering as well. Slaying them or calling them out in an ineffective way can lead to more damage than good. It is important to let people know where they fall short but effectively communicating these shortcomings is also one of the most important things. For example; One day as you were walking down the road minding your own business, you came across someone who might not be confident about the way they look. They lay their eyes on you, and follow to be intimidated by the way you carry yourself. It might have nothing to do with you. But you unknowingly became their dragon. There might be more serious occasions where you might end up unknowingly becoming another individual's vicious dragon. Our in house therapist surveyed individuals in the state of Goa asking them how they or how others could be their dragons/ demons. The most common self-inflicting demon was said to be not understanding one’s limits and pushing them as far as it can go. However, instead of caring for themselves upon exhaustion, they beat themselves even more for not being able to continue and do better. The most common dragon that is a result of the influence others have in your life was said to be romantic relationships. The majority of individuals said that being rejected by a crush stirred up various negative emotions as well as negative beliefs about self-worth. We might make mistakes as we all do, that might hurt another person. There are endless possibilities to being someone's dragon. What do we do, you ask? It is simple, communicate the issue you might have to that person effectively. Communication is often the most important and the most difficult part of any confrontation. Once the challenge is out there, you both can brainstorm ideas to rectify the situation. It is very common that the dragon that haunts you, is being haunted by other demons that have made them react in ways damaging to themselves and sometimes to others as well. For example; someone who has been heartbroken, might not believe in true love and might just want to protect themselves when they feel a connection. This might hurt the person they are newly connected with, making them feel they are lacking in some aspect when in fact the person has still not overcome his/her previously encountered demons.

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How do we protect ourselves and prevent ourselves from becoming the dragons or demons of someone else’s life?
● Let them in and assess them. Let yourself feel without any filter and label all your emotions. Good or bad, make sure to address them. Listen carefully, there might be a hidden or obvious message for you.
● Replace negative thoughts with positive ones. Word them positively.
● Make shortcomings, your future goals to achieve. Have immediate, short-term, and long-term goals.
● Understand that everyone faces these dragons. You are not alone or unique. There will always be someone else who is facing the same challenge. Seek support and talk to someone you know has overcome this challenge or is currently facing it. Upon realizing that you might be someone’s dragon/demon, it is important to be kind to yourself as you are not the only one who has been it. It can happen to anyone and everyone irrespective of how hard we try to be and do good to others. What we do after this realization is a necessity. We can help the ones we hurt heal themselves and feel better by it. However, not everyone will be open to accepting help from you or anyone else in general. They might prefer to go through their healing process alone. In times like that, we must learn to forgive ourselves and let go of the guilt we are experiencing.

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We all as humans are bound to make mistakes. But accepting those mistakes and improving the decisions you have in the future is of the essence in life. The past can not be changed. The future is something we can not determine. So do what you can in your present to pave a positive way for you in the near future. The journey of self love and self-awareness might be one of the toughest paths you will ever have to take. Be kind to yourself. You are the hardest person you will have to forgive and love unconditionally. We at Transform Happily understand the challenge of knowing and loving yourself unconditionally can be. If you ever feel overwhelmed with the pressures life throws at you, know that you always have a helping hand stretched out towards you. Take that hand to have a professional companion walk alongside you in your journey of transformation.

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