I will wait for it..

In this world of instant noodles and clicks, instant gratification is the norm. Everything is just a click away. The “always-on” technology further reinforces our belief. 

Is this healthy? 

On Subhash Chandra Bose’s birth anniversary, I propose an alternative view, Delayed Gratification. Subhash Chandra Bose was a national hero who fought alongside Mahatma Gandhi in the struggle for freedom. He is the curator of the Indian army and slogan “Give me blood and I will give you freedom”. His birthday is celebrated as Parakram Diwas which can be translated as a day of courage. There is more to this unsung hero than just courage. He exhibited qualities like courage, resilience, eloquent manners, etiquettes, patience, farsightedness and my favorite, delayed gratification.                         

His story is a live example of delayed gratification. 

What is delayed gratification?                       

“Delayed gratification is the resistance to the temptation of an immediate pleasure in the hope of obtaining a valuable and long-lasting reward in the long-term.” 

- Carducci, Bernardo J. (2009)

In a general sense, a person’s ability to delay an impulse to receive a more favorable response later is delayed gratification. 

I'll explain with an example,

The sale season is here but we are saving for a trip next month. The ability to control the urge of clicking the buy now button so that we can better use that money later for the trip is delayed gratification. 

It sounds so easy but why is it difficult?

A person's ability to delay gratification relates to skills such as patience, impulse control, self-control and willpower. 

Let’s circle back to Freud. Sigmund Freud gave Id, Ego and Superego. We are predominantly Id i.e. we are wired to seek pleasure and avoid pain. But as we grow and mature, our Id impulse takes a back seat and our Ego becomes the driver, driving on the "reality" lane. 

According to neuroscientists Joseph W. Kable and Joseph T. McGuire, it is the reality of life that makes waiting so hard. In the traditional Marshmallow experiment, the children knew with certainty that there is a secondary reward waiting for them. But in reality, life cannot be predicted. We can avoid chewing on those fries now, but that is not a guarantee of weight loss.  
Delaying the rewards is challenging as there is so surety when these long-term rewards will arrive—or even if they will ever arrive.

Can trust be an underlying cause? 

We have concluded that delayed gratification is the outcome of our ability to self-control. But what if there is something else as well. 

A cognitive scientist further modified Mischel’s marshmallow test. The test conditions were majorly similar with the exception being, half of the researchers broke the promise of the treat to the children and gave them an apology instead. In the follow-up, he found that students who had received a treat in the first cycle waited for the treat. Whereas students who were deceived, did not wait and went for instant satisfaction. 

He concluded that trust plays a significant role in delayed satisfaction and not self-control. But that is just one theory. In my experience, self-control has a bigger role to play, specially with adults. 

Why is delayed gratification important? 

Think about it: The things in life that bring us immediate gratification, like food, drugs, gambling, sex, screaming from anger, or using our credit cards do not necessarily bring out the best in us. They just ease our discomfort for the moment. Controlling our impulses is a rock solid path to success. I am not emphasizing that it is The cue but it is an important one. 

Instant gratification is the norm and delayed gratification is a forgotten trend. Researchers followed the participants of Mischel’s experiment, and found that the children who delayed their reward were far more successful in most areas of life. They scored higher on standardized tests, were healthier, responded better to stress, had fewer substance abuse issues and demonstrated better social skills.

How to employ delayed gratification

It will not be easy. We will be denying ourselves pleasure. Sticking to these four promises might help, 

1. Start small

To orient our brain we’ll create a goal so easy that it can’t be refused.
Eg, I will wait for three minutes before drinking water after a meal and then improve gradually. Incremental progress lets us build confidence with each small goal we achieve.

2. Make rules

Assess and makes rules. Rules that are not meant to be broken. For instance, I am trying to lose weight and I saw a zomato advertisement with a cheesecake popup. If I contemplate about it for more than five minutes, I will not order it. 

3. Practice gratitude

Reminding ourselves of all that we have is a very effective way to train our brain to accept delayed gratification. Practicing gratitude helps in realizing that we don’t NEED all the new stuff we have been craving. It is a façade created by the environment. We don’t need those black boots because we already have six pairs. Delayed gratification comes naturally when we practice gratefulness. 

4. Remind yourself of your goals

What is delayed gratification for if not the ability to reach our biggest goals and dreams? Reminding ourselves of our goals makes the process easier. Keeping a picture of our goal on our phone or using it as wallpaper is a reminder of what we really want. 

It’s okay if I eat khichdi today instead of pasta because my goal is having more energy. 

Final thoughts 

Delaying gratification isn’t a novel concept. Aristotle back in 300 B.C. saw that the reason so many people were unhappy was that they confused pleasure for true happiness. True happiness entails delaying pleasure, and putting in the time, discipline, and patience required to achieve a goal instead of feeling good now.

Let's Transform, Happily and Gratefully!