Healing After a Breakup

Saying goodbye to the one that you loved can be a tough pill to swallow. Many of us might be familiar with the heart-wrenching feeling of letting go. Whatever be the reason for separation, the feeling is not something that can be brushed off in a day or two. 

We often give our friends advice on dealing with tough breakups, however, when we find ourselves in a similar situation, we realize that it is easier said than done.

We will not tell you that it gets easier with time. We also won’t tell you that “there is light at the end of the tunnel”. But what we will do, is shed some light on things that can be done to make the transition easier and the heartache bearable.

We have penned down some ways that could help you in your journey of breaking free of the emotional turmoil of heartbreak. 

1. Cut off ties or limit interaction.
   Try your best to limit or cut ties with the person that is the cause of your heartache. At least till the time, you feel confident to look at them in the eye and not find yourself crumbling with pain. Vulnerability can make you overthink your stand in the situation. At your lowest, you might consider getting back with the person, just to ease some of the pain you are feeling. Such decisions mostly do not end up on a positive note. Cutting off from a person might give you the much-needed alone time to think about what went wrong and how are you going to change things for the better going forward. We admit that this step might be the most difficult thing you would have to do in this journey of healing from your breakup.
   Make a list of people you can call whenever you feel like calling or texting your ex. These people should tell you why you should not be looking back, someone who will stand by you and listen to you as you vent out. In times when you might not find anyone around, indulge in a hobby or perform any activity that might help get your mind off things as you gather yourself back together. This can be a simple game of sudoku, a video game, outdoor walks, or even a complex sport.

2. Break free from the emotional turmoil.
   Let out your emotions as long as it does not hurt you or anyone around you. It is natural to feel negative emotions irrespective of how maturely you both handled your breakup or how spiteful the breakup was. Acknowledge all your feelings and consciously attempt to label them whenever you feel like you are in uncharted territory emotionally. Failure to do so can result in situations that end up in you bottling up a lot of how you feel. Releasing all that’s pent-up is essential. Nothing good ever comes out of bottled-up emotions. Eventually, your emotions will start to feel less intense and more easy-going.
   Give yourself time to grieve. Let your emotions run raw, but do not forget to tackle them one after the other. Take on only how much you can at a time. Pay attention to your thoughts and triggers. Write them down in a journal to help find a pattern for all your negative thoughts, behaviors, and actions.
   
   
3. Write in detail what made you leave.
   Make a list of all the things you disliked about your ex. Go crazy with this list. When we are distressed, we usually dwell on the good things that we miss about a person, which can be counterproductive for your healing journey. If you need to move on, you need to constantly remind yourself why you deserve better. You need to acknowledge why they were could not be a good fit. To do so, note down the minor conflicts like food or music choice, as well as the major conflicts like infidelity or the disagreements regarding future lives you both had. This will help put into perspective why the separation was necessary. It will help you gain a clearer picture of where you stand as well as that of your ideal future self.
   
   
4. Know who you are.
   Usually, in a relationship, we become who the other person wants us to be and we lose a part of ourselves. Maybe you stopped indulging in some leisure activity because your ex-partner was not great at it or did not want to do it ( for example; playing football or even watching any sport). The relationship might have also led you to get distant from your friends as well as your family members. Maybe you can use this time to rekindle lost friendships. Sit and question yourself regularly. Ask questions like, “what can I do to love myself even more?”, “what new skill should I learn that might be useful in my future?”, “what can I do to make myself feel happier?”, and so on. If all of these things have already been checked out of your list, maybe you can learn something entirely new about yourself.
   
   
5. Explore. Surprise yourself.
   Any relationship can change you. All difficult experiences help you mature a bit more. Hence, we are never the same people we were yesterday. Explore this new you. Get your friends and visit new places, try new cuisines, go shopping, pamper yourself at the spa, or that you always wished you could.
   Solo trips are also a great way of exploring ways to be independent and unwind. It can help you learn more about yourself and teach you some important life lessons. Taking time off for yourself is important. If time does not permit, hike a small hill on any of your day-off, and when you reach the top, sit by yourself, breathe while you allow yourself to acknowledge all the thoughts that come rushing into your mind, admire the beauty of mother nature, and give yourself time to let all your emotions sink in.
   
   PRO-TIP

Make sure you do not make any drastic changes in your appearance. Such drastic changes might seem to be fun and a good idea at the time, but you might end up feeling a different way when you overcome your emotional roller-coaster. Focus on things that make you feel better without doing anything irreversible or permanent.

6. Make routine setting and mindful living a priority.
   You can try yoga, Pilates, meditation, or other techniques that help you stay physically as well as mentally fit. However, before doing so, make a list of goals you want to achieve by the end of the day, the week, the month, and the year. Once you know your goals, draw realistic plans to achieve them. Journaling and experimenting with mindfulness activities might also help you live a fulfilling life.
   Including some breathing exercises in your routine will work wonders in the long run. Apart from this, one must also take time to connect with nature. For example; practice grounding by walking on grass barefoot. Grounding is suggested to improve blood circulation, reduce inflammation and pain, among other benefits. 

Bonus advice:
Know the beauty of being single. Do not rush into a rebound relationship as it might do more harm than good. Instead, try to understand what you are looking for in your partner, find qualities that you like or dislike in a person, and understand what your expectations are from an ideal relationship. Make sure you meet new people, take ample time to know those in your life, and talk about expectations before getting together romantically with anyone (even if it is someone you know inside out). 
Getting over another person might be tough but it is not impossible. Give yourself the time, be kind to yourself, and understand that it is alright to have setbacks.