Effective Communication in Relationships

Communication is always said to be vital; the clearer the conversation, the better the growth of the relationship. Imagine being told in your past or present relationship what is expected out of you, instead of them getting mad at you. Wouldn’t that make it easier to deal with all challenges?

Communication is one of the most cardinal requirements for a healthy, long-lasting, and fulfilling relationship. Effective communication allows you to share your feelings, opinions, expectations, and even disappointments with the other person to build flourishing relationships. Fear of communicating their thoughts and feelings might stem from the fear of losing a loved one due to any misunderstanding. The irony right? 

Misunderstanding is due to arises when there is no clear and effective communication among those involved. Stating what you feel, putting forth what you expected, what you might have gotten in return, what are your future expectations to rectify the situation; are some things that need to be discussed. Set sacred grounds that you will let your partner express without interruption. 

Communicating effectively can be tough whether you are new to relationships or you have been together for years. Hence, we have put together some communication 101 tips you might benefit from.

1. Acknowledge the triggers and causes of conflict.
   Before working on solutions you got to recognize where it all went wrong. What is it that is a common cause of misunderstandings, fights, doubts, or insecurities? Actively pay attention to your trigger points as well as that of your partner.
   For example; many of us tend to make fun of our loved one’s stutter or dressing sense. While sometimes such jokes can be taken lightly, it might not always be pleasing to be the butt of jokes around people. In such situations, be considerate towards your partner's feelings and comfort zones. You do not always have to make adjustments and sacrifices when you acknowledge an issue. Upon understanding the cause of the conflict, sit yourself down alongside your partner and communicate what you feel was the source of the challenge faced, what are your expectations to rectify the situation, together with expressing a desire to blossom your relationship into something healthy and fulfilling.
   
2. Take time to think your thoughts through.
   While you have acknowledged the cause of the problem, take time to think your thought through before engaging in any conversation. Unplanned conversations can deviate from the purpose of rectifying the situation and might turn heated quickly. Note your mood; if you feel you might be a little too emotional or unsure of your feelings, it is better to take a step back and be with yourself for a while. While timing the conversations well is also important, make sure you do not give your partner the silent treatment. Let your partner know that you have had a long day and probably want to rest for a bit. Take a walk outdoors, talk to a trusted adult about your situation, vent in front of your pet or to a plant, or even to yourself in front of a mirror. Our mind is likely to exaggerate situations and concerns. Hence, vocalizing the concern out loud might help you gain clarity on the actual depth of the situation. It is important to calm yourself down before you decide to confront your partner so that your emotions are in check while communicating concerns and possible fixes.
   
3. Using the correct words while emoting is important.
   Work on wording your thoughts, feelings, and emotions effectively. Be mindful of the words you use while communicating sensitive topics. For example; when you feel insecure about your partner, instead of saying “I cannot seem to trust you around any other girl” you can say “I know you wouldn’t intentionally hurt me, but I can not seem to shake the thought of losing you to someone else for what so ever reason”. Wording your sentences well and softening blows is essential while communicating such concerns. Taking a break and practicing any relaxation technique when all you want to do is yell and scream is crucial here.
   

PRO TIP:
Make conscious efforts on your part to avoid “you” statements that focus on your partner’s shortcomings and instead try using more “I” statements that express how you feel in the situation. This forms a more solution-focused team approach to conflicts rather than a fault-finding singular approach.

4. Equal adjustments to fit better together.
   As you communicate all that is on your mind, learn that it is essential to make compromises in every relationship. All conflict resolution needs you and your partner to win a little as well as lose a little (if needed) for a balanced and worthwhile outcome. If one person is always the one sacrificing or adjusting, they might soon start to develop some bitterness towards the relationship. Good times need to be shared. But so do the bad times. Make sure you both are taking on the load equally in your relationship.
   To be realistic, there will be days where your partner might be overwhelmed by external factors and might be able to take on their share of the load of the relationship. On days like those, it is important to let go of one's ego and pick up all the load you can to get through the day.
   
5. Make up for the lost time. Make pleasant memories.
   After carrying forward the conversation well, and communicating all that troubled you, take a breather. Following up on such intense conversations with sweet gestures for one another, like gifting each other a flower or taking out time to spend quality time with one another can ease the tense situation. It does not have to be something grand, even a small love note on a piece of snippet should do the trick.

Bonus: Whenever you get the time, try penning down one thing after every fight or misunderstanding, what you liked about your partner on that day. It might be as small as them sending you a cute good morning wish or any grand gesture that made a difference in your day. This helps you find the silver lining even on the toughest day one experiences. Despite all the negative incidents of the day, take time to specifically mention one or more positive things related to your partner that brought you happiness, peace, and/ or calm.

Effective communication is not always easy and simple but it is said to be the foundation of a healthy and successful relationship. There might be times you will feel like there is no escape from the endless thoughts in your mind, and that no matter how much you try, you can not organize them. In such situations, where you feel like you are losing control, reach out to experts.