Do more than exist: Participate

Have you ever felt the urge to conform to a group or find a niche that is similar to yours? 

Or caught headlines on some of the commonly run terms in recent times like depression, anxiety loneliness, or suicide. Do we know why? Very few of us might. 

It is your need for belonging that is hardwired in your brain through evolution. Belonging - is a fundamental human need. Belongingness runs deeper than our knowledge. This essential need has led to various researches that suggest the most common association between physical and mental conditions is the lack of a sense of belongingness. 

Evolution directs us to be in groups. The commonality between cultural diversity is the need for togetherness. This need refers to an individual's desire to be a part of and accepted by those around them. It might be in groups like their family members, peers, co-workers, or maybe even their neighbors and acquaintances. It refers to the need for being accepted, acknowledged, and understood by those around as well as you having the ability to give attention to someone who would care for your opinion. Throughout our developmental years and life cycle, a sense of belonging has a positive impact on many other areas of our lives. Intellectual levels, social skills, mental health, physical health, and motivation are just some of the many areas of our lives that are improved when we live with a sense of belonging. It can change our behaviors and values to conform to the ideals of the group we want to belong in. The way we present ourselves might also be influenced greatly by the need to belong. 

In Social Psychology, we often talk about the influence of social interactions and their correlation with a sense of acceptance.  In this day and age, where do we find this sense of belonging? Internet. 

A very common example we must have seen on the reels section of any social media is individuals sharing how they changed the way they dressed after they started following particular artists. They copied their dressing style, and hair color and some even got surgeries done to look like their favorite artists. Social comparisons have plummeted with blindsight. The reality of it is hidden and people accept everything at face value.  Numerous surveys have suggested that viral social media content has deceived people to believe that they do not have the ideal body shape or facial features and that even their linguistic skills are not good enough. These comparisons house insecurities, dissatisfaction, and anxiety about one's self. This sense of conforming is toxic. 

You might have heard of or read Maslow's hierarchy of needs. In this theory, Maslow (1943) ranked belongingness needs right after the basic physiological and safety needs.  It aims at achieving the feeling that we are a part of something bigger than ourselves. He outlined that deficiency of this need can lead to serious ailments. L.B. Fisher et.al. (2015) in their study on college students found a positive link between a sense of belonging and greater happiness and overall well-being, as well as an overall reduction in the mental health outcomes including:

• Anxiety
• Depression
• Hopelessness
• Loneliness
• Social anxiety
• Suicidal thoughts

He also suggested that these needs can be fulfilled within general relationships, such as belonging to an ingroup, or within specific relationships, such as friendships, parent-child relationships, as well as romantic relationships. The importance of the need to belong was also documented by Baumeister and Leary when they detailed the emotional, cognitive, and physical aspects of the need to belong. They compared satisfying the need to belong to securing necessities, such as food and shelter, which are needed to survive. 

What happens when you are denied this need? Feeling disliked, excluded, unappreciated, or devalued can stir up unpleasant emotions and feelings in an individual. Some of these negative emotions include lower self-esteem, aggressive actions, and antisocial behavior. Studies have suggested that failure to meet these love and belongingness needs would often be associated with negative lifestyle habits and overall life dissatisfaction. 

Changing any uncomfortable situation you might be in right now or in the future can be done through various conscious efforts on our part. Some steps that can help you increase your sense of belongingness are:

• Build an understanding of who you are right now and what it is that you want to achieve in life; Your ideal place to be. 
• Understand the level of your need to belong. This need is highly individualistic. Some might not be able to function effectively if they do not have the necessary social support at any given point in time, whereas others may do just fine with minimal or no support on most days. Understanding your needs before engaging in specific behaviors is of importance.
• Putting active effort and practice into socializing. Sign yourself up for activities and engage in positive behaviors with those you share common interests with.
• Focus on commonalities instead of differences with those that are good for your mental health. And, even when faced with differences, accepting these differences creates peace among all individuals. Acceptance does not mean agreement. You might not agree with someone's point of view but understanding that everyone is entitled to have an opinion of their own is essential.
  

We at Transform Happily understand that this can get difficult. It might bring about anxiety or fear or worry. If you feel any uncomfortable feelings while you attempt to build your social circle or you are not able to navigate your way around things, get in touch with us. You will never have to walk alone.

We care. Let us help you transform, Happily!